Death Is Bad - - Page 77

Teenage boys and violence

Jul 252013

My girlfriend recently asked me what level of truth was contained in this article, specifically about item #3 – There’s a reason for that emotional repression. She wanted to know if teenage boys are really that violent. To quote the article:

Almost every adult man walking around spent at least part of his adolescence dealing with sourceless, purposeless anger and a desire for violent catharsis. It’s like having a little devil on your shoulder constantly making the same unhelpful suggestion.

“I don’t know how I’m going to deal with this test Friday, I can’t cope.”

“Have you considered… VIOLENCE?”

“Shut up, shoulder devil, nobody asked you. Hmmm, what do I want for lunch…”

“Have you considered… VIOLENCE?”

“Shoulder devil that is NOT EVEN A FOOD.”

And so on. We spend years learning that our immediate emotional responses to things are absolutely not to be trusted. The first response to an emotional impulse must be to ignore it and repress it, just for safety. The men who didn’t learn that reflex? They’re the ones with criminal records for assault.

Well yeah, of course. I cited a few examples. Most trivially, often I’d simply imagine reaching out and exploding all the stuff nearby, anime-like, just for the hell of it. When inching through a crowded hallway I’d fantasize about pulling out an automatic rifle and mowing down everyone so I could get to my next class without obstruction – including pondering important details like how many clips I’d need based on different levels of bullet-penetration. And when society was unjust and unfair I railed against the world, demanding the existing order be torn down and the world be set aflame so we could fix this shit, ignoring my mentor’s rather reasonable queries as to what I’d put in it’s place (“We can figure that out once the old corrupt system has been swept away!”).

She was surprised by this, and I was surprised by her surprise. I did not realize that this was not common knowledge. Isn’t that what all media marketed to teen boys has revealed? Teenage boys fantasize about violence and power all the time. Possibly more than sex, honestly.

This post isn’t really adding anything to the conversation, simply throwing my support behind “Yeah, this really is what being a teen boy is usually like.” It is the reason I feel such a deep emotional resonance with certain monsters, and write long babbling posts about them.

My Priests

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Jul 232013

My recent brush with people I greatly admire got me thinking about the purpose of hero-worship, and reminded me of something I wrote several years ago. This was written when I was in my alcoholic phase, and yes, I was drunk when I wrote it. I’ve cut out a bit, and it’s still kinda belligerent. But I still agree with the sentiment at the heart of it, the notion that a group of people can nominate the best among them to pursue goals they all wish to see achieved, but which they don’t have the resources or ability to all pursue individually.

And as I mentioned before, I have a very mystical mental architecture. Fighting against it takes a lot of effort. Adapting the vocabulary of the religious and subverting my spiritual nature in pursuit of the goals I’ve concluded are worthwhile is a great hack that both motivates me and harnesses that energy.

You know what… I’m going to come right out and say it.

A lot of people need their clergy. And after a decade of denial, I’m finally willing to admit it – I am one of those people.

The vast majority of people do not give their 10% tithe to their church because some rule in some “holy” book demands it. They don’t do it because they want a reward in heaven, or to avoid hell, or because their utility function assigns all such donated dollars 1.34 points of utility up to 10% of gross income.

They do it because they want their priests to kick more ass than the OTHER groups’ priests. OUR priests have more money, more power, and more intellect and YOUR sorry-ass excuse for a holy-man. “My priest bad, cures cancer and mends bones; your priest weak, tell your priest to go home!”

So when I give money to the SIAI (or FHI or similar causes) I don’t do it just because I necessarily think it’s the best/most important possible use of my fungible resources. I do it because I believe Eliezer & Co are the most like-me actors out there who can influence the future. I do it because of all the people out there with the ability to alter the flow of future events, their utility function is the closest to my own, and I don’t have the time/energy/talent to pursue my own interests directly. I want the future to look more like me, but I also want enough excess time/money to get hammered on the weekends while holding down an accounting job. In short – I want to be able to just give a portion of my income to people I trust to be enough like me that they will further my goals simply by pursuing their own interests. Which is to say: I want to support my priests. But I would STILL give them this money, simply because I want other people to see that MY priests are better taken care of than THEIR priests.

Standard Disclaimer, but really… some enthusiasm is needed to fight Azathoth.

Immortality Debate: After-Action Review

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Jul 222013

The immortality panel has passed. Holy hell was that a rush. Here’s the video:

First, this has been another demonstration of the “doesn’t hurt to ask” principle. When PZ first described the FTBCon concept on his blog and asked for submissions I figured “What the hell. Might as well send an email. Worst that can happen is that it’s ignored.” I received a reply in less than an hour, which blew me away on its own. I got Eliezer and Brin just by looking them up and emailing them as well (I also got several rejections from other folks, so it’s not Hax or anything. But I’m still surprised that it works at all.) I’m starting to wonder why more people don’t do this “asking” thing. Has the initiative really been beaten out of us that thoroughly?

Once I got everything in place, I spent a few days freaking out. These are all people who are significantly smarter and more accomplished than me. These are people I idolize… and I was going to be able to talk with them! Personally! (and now I have video proof it happened!) I did my best to smash down the Hero-Worship node in my brain, but damn that was awesome.

The panel itself could have gone better. In retrospect, there’s many things I wish I’d done differently. Apparently it was not clear to everyone that the topic was the desirability of immortality, rather than technical feasibility. I also should have instituted time limits for everyone, and acted as more of a moderator to keep things on-topic (there were several ventures off topic). That would require me removing myself from the majority of the conversation, but that’s entirely something I could and should do. I’ll know better for next time I do this sort of thing. Experience – it helps! Until we fix death, every single generation will have to relearn this lesson at least once. It’s a huge drag on progress. :)

I also didn’t really learn what I was hoping to learn, although that’s mainly my fault for not running this thing well enough. I know my understanding of the opposing view is uncharitable, and I feel like I’m straw-manning my opposition, yet I just can’t seem to wrap my head around how this viewpoint even exists. I know this panel wasn’t about me, but I was hoping to become Less Wrong about my opponent’s views. I will have to keep striving.

By far the biggest disappointment to me was the after-discussion… because I wasn’t there. I had been suppressing my star-struckness, and freaking out about finishing on time and giving everyone equal time to talk and so forth, and when we finally all said “Bye” I was like “Oh shit… what do I do now? How do I stop this thing? Do I just hang-up? I’ll hang-up, that’ll do it…” like freakin idiot. PZ had initiated it and started the live feed, OF COURSE he could shut it down! ARGH!! Anyway, as soon as I hung up I collapsed back in my chair and totally came apart. You know how after a strong fight-or-flight the adrenaline starts leaving your system and you get all shakey and your brain is kinda cottony? Yeah, I totally had that. It was draining and exhilarating! And then I find out that the other panelists stayed behind to talk for another half hour just amongst themselves! :( Oh the shame! I wanted to tear my own skin off in punishment for missing such an amazing opportunity. I still had questions! Or even just *listening in* would have been amazing. Augh. Well, you live and you learn. Another one to chalk up to experience.

Overall, this was absolutely awesome. If you ever have any sort of chance to talk with someone you admire, or someone very intelligent (or ideally, both!) jump on it like a rabid spider monkey! So. Freakin. Cool.

Oh, and I did receive a complaint about the religion shout-outs in the beginning. In my defense I replied – “I’m also uninterested in the religion aspect, but I was trying to tie it into the con’s theme of atheism/religious-skepticism. It’s how I pitched it to PZ in the first place, so I didn’t feel I could abandon it once the show started. If I didn’t think it was necessary for inclusion in the con I wouldn’t have bothered.” So there.

Link Archive 6/21/13 – 7/19/13

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Jul 192013

Yeesh, I hadn’t realized it’s been almost a month since I did this. Will Facebook ever become a decent archive? I’m betting no.

In praise of Joanne Rowling’s Hermione Granger series

Patrick Rothfuss’ The Name of the Wind Coming to Television!

This is what balls looks like in day-to-day life. Changing The Creepy Guy Narrative

I think there may be something wrong with my sense of humor, because this once again hits my funny bone: “As a pastor, I have had members of my church confess to me that they have been involved in group sex. They come to me with a sense of remorse. This puts me in a bit of a theological conundrum.”

Steam’s Summer Sale: Once again I’m reminded that marketing is mostly Dark Arts

I don’t know if it’s tragic or poetic justice that her base consider this scandalous. GOP candidate in Sen. John Morse recall also writes “erotic romance”

We’ll only hold you accountable if a white kid is killed.

Remember all those crazy conservatives crying about how making gay marriage legal would result in churches being shut down and priests being jailed? They forgot to mention it’s because THEY would be the ones jailing the priests! :D

Don’t waste your time, or time will waste you. (30 is not the new 20)

Sometimes I’m still surprised. Wall Street Journal says Egypt needs a Pinochet

A Spell Called Catherine. This is an RPG hook that is simply *cool as shit*

Pharoahs Ain’t Shit. I’m not really into poetry, but this is a thing I really like by an old high school friend

We Have Always Fought. “The folks excavating Viking graves didn’t bother to check whether the graves they dug up were male or female. They were graves swords in them. Swords are for soldiers. Soldiers are men. It was years before they thought to even check the actual bones of the skeletons, instead of just saying, “Sword means dude!” and realized their mistake.”

A review that actually made me want to see the last Twilight movie. Not in theaters though.

An artifact with encoded information that was unreadable using then-available technology was preserved for over 100 years. Eventually tech got to the point where the info could be read and reproduced. I wonder if this parallels anything else I’m an advocate of…

Why don’t the anti-regulation crowd complain about government being over-regulated?

This is freakin hilarious! 2min, must watch. Dan Savage offends a horse lover.

And finally – what happens when you try to tell a knock-knock joke to Facebook.

The Immortality Debate

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Jul 172013

I will be participating in a panel at FTBCon on Sunday. FTBCon (Free Thought Blogs) is an all-online convention, a chance for a lot of people to get together and hangout while listening to people talk about atheist and skeptic issues. I proposed a panel on whether human immortality is a good thing or a bad idea in principle when Myers first asked for submissions, and a few hours later I had managed to fall into this. :) I’ll be speaking with David Brin, PZ Myers, and Eliezer Yudkowsky, which is amazing as they’re all on a level significantly above mine. I guess there’s some advantages to moving quickly and organizing things. Anyone who’s seen any of these people speak before knows that this is going to be extremely cool, and very thought-provoking.

The panel will taking place over Google+ on Sunday, July 21^st, at 12:00noon Pacific Time (GMT -7). To watch, go to PZ’s page here, it’ll start streaming at the appointed time. You can chat with other people (and submit questions to the moderators) right here. Afterwards the recording will be put on YouTube, I’ll post a link when it becomes available.

EDIT2: The panel is done! The archive is here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pm-5s__aZE0

Hail Leviathan

Musings On Present Day, Personal No Responses »

Jul 162013

Our neighbor has an annoying habit. He will sometimes get himself really drunk and belligerent and start trying to pick a fight. One night he moved the potted plants we have out by our front door because he was “sick of looking at them”. There was a confrontation, but it didn’t get physical. Last weekend while I was away he started yelling obscenities at some guests my fiancée had over because they were parked in a manner that wasn’t to his liking. I had to come home when he started threatening to kill people. General drunk threats like “I’ll blow you away!” I was so furious I actually got lost driving home, near my own neighborhood. In retrospect, I probably should’ve have been driving while in that emotional state. He’d passed out or something by the time I got there because I didn’t see him that night. Which was fortunate, because I was at the point where I might have assaulted him.

After cooling down I noticed that this was becoming an escalation cycle. I mentioned yesterday that escalation is bad – things just keep getting more intense until someone ends up dead. I needed some way to halt this momentum. The problem is you can’t reason with a drunken idiot. From all signs, it looks like he’s the sort of person who has gotten through life by threatening and bullying others until he gets his way. I have no compunctions about killing someone who’s threatened the life of someone I love, but I’ve got a lot to do with my life that I can’t do from inside a prison.

So we filed a complaint with the police instead. They took down what we said and gave us a number to call, saying we should call them immediately if he does anything belligerent or abusive. I gotta say, I never really realized on a gut level how useful and important this institution is. If I were to take matters into my own hands I’d surely get an escalating cycle of violence and property damage. If it did come down to killing, I’d now have to deal with friends and relatives seeking vengeance. This is no way to run a civilized society. Having a massive force that has been licensed by society to use violence without retribution is vital for anyone who wants to live a decent peaceful life free from aggressors and/or drunken idiots. Hail Leviathan.

The real downside being, of course, what happens when evil people gain control of this tool.

Zimmerman’s Escalation of Violence

Musings On Present Day, Personal No Responses »

Jul 152013

It’s a bit of a joke that “You don’t bring a knife to a gunfight.” But there’s a more important principle that it seems some people were never taught: You don’t bring a knife to a fistfight.

A few years ago I was on an attempted-murder jury. Two young minority men (one black, one Hispanic) got into an argument which escalated to a fistfight, which escalated to one of them stabbing the other in the neck. The trial lasted 2.5 days, with a half day of deliberation. The act itself was caught on tape (security camera footage) so there was no dispute as to what happened. The defendant’s claim was that he was in fear for his life, so it was self-defense to pull out his knife. He claimed his opponent had yelled something to his sister about “Get the gun from the truck!” There was no audio aspect to the recording.

It took half the day (which surprised me, in my opinion this was not a difficult case), but we the jury finally found the defendant guilty of attempted manslaughter. Because the two of them were having a fistfight, and the defendant turned it nearly-lethal – not his opponent. There was no other weapon produced. Perhaps the defendant was scared, likely he was going to lose the fight, but that doesn’t give him the right to initiate lethal force. How often do people get into arguments with neighbors, or even strangers? Those arguments should never turn lethal, and the party who escalates to physical force, and/or lethal force, must be held responsible. Always.

Florida has decided that someone can now stalk, threaten, and harass an unarmed black teenager, and if there is a physical altercation, that man can summarily execute that teenager as long as he was losing the fight. Florida has (again) legalized terrorism against a minority portion of its population. I’m ashamed to share a country with those people.

SF/F Review – 2013 Hugo Shorts

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Jul 112013

Every year in our book club we read the 2013 Hugo-nominated Short Stories and Novelettes (those that can be found online anyway) and discuss them at one of our semi-monthly meetings. I’m not sure how exactly to do a “Book Club Review” for a handful of shorts that aren’t bound together in a single work. So I will come out and say that yes – this is a very fun thing to do. Every SF/F book club should do it, I can’t recommend it enough. It makes for an interesting change from reading a single book. You get to compare different author’s styles and different story types. And since short stories are generally about delivering a cool concept in a short hard-hitting package there tends to be a ton of ideas to talk about. As a matter of fact, I wish we did these sorts of short-story discussions more often than once per year, they’re really cool! Definitely Recommended.

Since this makes for a rather short post, I’ll so do a quick few-lines review of each story.

“Immersion”, Aliette de Bodard – Great story, everyone took away something different from it. One member related to the idea of hiding yourself under layers of false fronts. Another spoke of immigration without integration – where people can seperate themselves and become immersed but isolated in a culture rather than assimilating. I was intrigued by the concept of off-loading so much of our mental tasks to outside devices (like iPhones) that we lose our human impetus and become program-executors instead.

“Mantis Wives”, Kij Johnson – No one understood this story. And we’ve got some fairly smart people in our group, not to be arrogant. It was too abstract, the point was lost within all that metaphor, which always makes me suspect maybe the author wasn’t quite sure what the point was in the first place. Closest we could figure is that we’re all going to die anyway, so one might as well make a beautiful art out of the living/dying. Maybe?

“Mono no Aware”, Ken Liu – A story that demonstrates exactly what Mono no Aware is by making the reader feel it (it is a sense of beauty in sadness, a glory in passing, but that explanation doesn’t do it justice). Good characterization and an inspiring portrait of the Japanese ideal of honor and unity. The ending was a little predictable, but there was no other ending this story could have had if it was to remain Mono no Aware.

“The Boy Who Cast No Shadow”, Thomas Olde Heuvelt – A metaphorical tale of children (well, teen boys) dealing with terminal illness. The bitterness that comes from its unfairness, and the acceptance of mortality.

“Fade To White”, Catherynne M. Valente – In our group this was everyone’s favorite novelette. A patriotic horror story that extends the 50’s mentality into the present day, taking it to its flag-waving and silently-screaming conclusion. So good!

“In Sea-Salt Tears”, Seanan McGuire – Given how much I disliked her second Newsflesh book, I was surprised by this novelette. Maybe McGuire has simply fallen prey to the common fate of good short-story writers who can’t transition to novel-length works. This story gave away its twist at the start, which was unfortunate, but aside from that it was a good story about desire, and choosing something you want over someone you love. I love that the ending was unapologetic.

Judging People Based On Looks

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Jul 102013

Lately this video has been making the rounds in my corner of the internet:

(summary: Dustin Hoffman went about as a woman for a movie role. He was crushed when he was told that they couldn’t make him beautiful. And he realized how many women he’d simply dismissed out of hand because they weren’t beautiful rather than getting to know the person, and felt remorseful. It’s a very good video, you should watch it if you have 3 minutes.)

The message is a resounding “Don’t Be Shallow.” Dustin Hoffman was obviously very shallow at one point. This is a good message, but I’ve seen it interpreted a few times as “Looks Don’t Matter.” You’ll notice that in the video he still has styled hair, nice clothing, and a general good appearance.

Rachael Acks recently wrote “I will never be beautiful”. Having met her in person, I immediately wanted to reply with “Yes you are!” even though she specifically said she didn’t want that sort of reply (I did manage to restrain myself). She said it would feel like a lie, and in a way, I suppose it is. She, like most people I know, will not be a model. She won a roughly average payout in the Looks department of the genetic lottery. I’ll skip the usual social/normative issues about beauty and go to the question that intrigued me – why did I immediately want to say she did look good, when it seems that isn’t the case? Why do I still feel that way?

I think it’s because she obviously cares for herself. And that is attractive. That someone puts effort into keeping a nice image says good things about them. If they can’t be bothered to put in some personal maintenance, it seems unlikely they have much respect for themselves. Their presence probably will not enrich your life.

I was berated recently for avoiding some people based on their slovenly appearance, and reminded that I shouldn’t judge people by how they look. I disagree to a point. Dismissing people because they didn’t win the genetic lottery in one specific field is stupid, and Mr Hoffman probably missed out on a lot of great relationships and opportunities for his earlier stupidity. But that’s different from having no respect for yourself, and for those around you. That’s what makes Ms Acks attractive, and what makes anyone who gives a damn about how they present themselves to others attractive.

Giving a shit is attractive.

On Being Attractive

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Jul 092013

I was never very attractive in my younger years. As a teen I was scrawny and dorky. In my 20s I was kinda fat and oafish. It’s only been in the last few years that I’ve started working out and taking care of how I look. And I’ve discovered something – I’m somewhat attractive.

Lest I be thought prideful or vain, I hasten to add that I’m obviously not overly attractive, people aren’t falling over themselves to be near me and I’ll never have a job modeling. And tastes vary, so not everyone feels this way. But I’ve been told directly a number of times that I look good, and I’ve noticed some girls occasionally checking me out or flirting with me. These are all very new things to me, and at first I couldn’t quite grasp what was happening. I look in a mirror and I still don’t see anything special. I can see flaws for hours. But enough evidence has accumulated over the past years that I have come to accept it on at least an intellectual level.

Additionally, I learned something surprising: being attractive is a fucking super-power. You’d think it only has application to mating… or at least, I always did. Boy is that wrong. I’ve come to experience The Halo Effect for myself, and it’s almost scary. I was unattractive just a few years ago so I can still clearly remember the difference. Everyone already knows that you’re treated nicer when you’re more attractive – by people of both genders. What they don’t tell you is that this goes beyond just “niceness”. Nowadays my arguments are considered more persuasive and my statements more authoritative. My opinion is more valued. I am more respected by my coworkers and boss. I even get better service in professional environments, such as banks and courts. Even my parents think I’m more responsible now. It’s ridiculous.

On the one hand, it’s a little frustrating, because not that much has changed internally. My ideas are largely the same, it seems a bit unfair that I’m being treated better based on image and, to an extent, the slight attitude adjustment that comes with the extra testosterone. On the other hand – this is a hack in reality that’s absurdly useful.

I don’t know how this works for girls, but guys – seriously, take some effort to look better. Get some well-fitting nice clothes, make sure your hygiene is good, and work out. I used to think spending hours per week working out was a waste of time that could be better used elsewhere. But the three hours a week I spend working out has yielded dividends far greater that what I had originally anticipated. Being attractive is a force multiplier – it improves every part of your life that requires interacting with other people (and several that don’t). Not just new people, all people. Yes, there’s only so much that can be done. But just putting in a few hours effort per week is enough to make a difference for most people. It is too useful a tool to be ignored.

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