Creeping Death

I’m getting older. Specifically, I feel like I entered a different type of life after my back injury. Things are different now, harder in general. Physically, I’ve recovered quite a bit, significantly more than when the prior post was written. Yet I’m not who I was before. Maybe it’s the toll of over a year of near-isolation as well, but it’s harder to get motivated for things. I was drinking more, for a while. I’ve cut back on it now, and it’s helped a lot.

The realization that the flesh I’m stuck in has begun to fail, and this will only get worse, has really dug in it’s teeth, though.

Here’s something I wrote while I was drunk. It’s… not great. But it’s an expression of emotion that is true. We’re all dying, but I’m more aware of it now then I was before, and I hate it so much. Since half the function of this blog is me shouting my emotions into the internet so they aren’t just eating away at the inside of me, I’m posting it here. Be ye warned I was not fully in my right mind when writing this, but I can’t find any reason to deny it now.

 

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Beauty. Is there any other reason to live?

Here’s Germaine and Bret from Flight of the Concords in 2006:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGOohBytKTU&ab_channel=ellaelise

 

Here’s them in 2019:

They are still brilliant, fun entertainers. They are probably better at their craft now then in 2006, since they’ve had 13 years to refine it.

I dunno about women, but I’ve heard that male attraction puts a lot of weight on appearance of youth. And when I see the 2019 video, I want to cry. Because they’ve aged so much. They were beautiful in 2006, and they aren’t now.

I was an adult (technically) in 2006. I can only assume I was more beautiful then, than I am now.

It makes sense that people are attracted to youth. Youth means health. It means you can DO THINGS with your body that older people can’t. What does it mean to be attracted to an older person?

It means they will have more troubles you have to deal with. It means the person you’re attracted to will be less able to create wealth because they have less time to do interesting things, and less energy to pursue their interests. They will spend more time resting, because their bodies are worn down. It means the person you are attracted to will drain your resources and energy as you try to care for them while their meatsuit deteriorates. It means you will invest your life in someone who will die, and leave you alone in the world, simply because bodies degrade and you picked one later in the cycle than you could have. You want to pick a body that will last at least as long as yours.

I guess there’s some advantages to older people. Some of them have built up resources in reserve. I hear women can find healthy older men attractive. George Clooney seems to have aged well

I wonder how will this affect mating habits in the transhuman future. Will people stop finding youth attractive, when everyone is youthful? Or will we simply all be more attractive at all times, and thus make everyone’s joy increased, because everyone is so pretty?

I guess what I’m saying is — Kurt Cobain died *fucking hot*. It’s GODDAMN BULLSHIT that he died so young. Would we still think of him the way we do if he’d lived? Would he be another Jemaine Clement (not that there’s anything wrong with that)? We’re all such fleeting embers, dying in the night. Is it worth dying a few decades early, if you’ll always be remembered as beautiful and tragic? How many decades of life is it worth to live forever in memory?

Assuming there will be no singularity in my lifetime, of course. Nothing is worth missing the “rapture of the nerds”. But fuck… Jesus missed the rapture too. I can’t believe any amount of inspiration to the rest of humanity is worth losing your eternal life for. But, if you are gonna miss it (and there’s no guarantee any of us will make it)… being Jesus or Cobain, forever an icon of adoration — it’s the next best thing, no?

Aging is shit. The slow, inexorable decay of our bodies is shit. Youth is beauty, and we should all be young forever. Kill god, kill Him forever if He exists, for letting this injustice stand.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6P0SitRwy8&ab_channel=NirvanaVEVO