Nov 022016

470282394I dropped out of college after a year, for a number of reasons, not least among them that I was tired of schooling and I wanted to actually participate in the Real World. I got a job as a office clerk at 19.

Since then I managed to work, jump, and slide my way up the ranks. I’ve been working as a full-on accountant for 15 years, despite never having official Accounting Schooling. You can learn a lot on the job, especially if you like numbers.

But it always felt like I was getting away with something. Especially over the last five years, I’ve been getting promotions I’m not sure I’m entirely qualified for, and been given work that I simply didn’t understand when it first landed on my desk. It would take months of flying by the seat of my pants to get a grasp on what was going on, and in the meantime I still had to make the numbers balance and file the appropriate reports.

I would have nightmares about people asking me what I do in an account (in detail), cuz fuck if I know! Every quarter I was convinced THIS would be the quarter they figured out I had no clue. And every time I didn’t get laid off or fired, I was shocked that I had gotten away with it for one more quarter. A lot of my efforts were put into saving up for when this house of cards came crashing down.

Last month, they finally caught on to me.

Which is kinda ironic, because I had only recently finally gotten almost everything figured out. I feel like I know what I’m doing more than ever before. (And OK — it’s not entirely fair to say they “caught on to me” — as far as I can tell everyone still thinks I was doing a great job.)

Regardless, I no longer have to pretend I know what’s going on, and worry constantly that someone will notice I’m faking it. Today is my last day at my current job. :) Thank god my long personal nightmare of security and prosperity is finally over!

They gave me plenty of warning and a nice severance, so I can’t complain. I’m taking the rest of the year off to finish my novel, and then I’ll dive back into the Real World come January.

  6 Responses to “The jig is up!”

  1. Congratulations?

  2. I don’t quite understand imposter syndrome (feeling like you aren’t qualified to do what you’re doing) That said, you should know that you’re far from alone in that feeling.

  3. I saw a talk given buy a postman that applied for the job of a psychiatric doctor, got the job and did that job for years until they figured out he had no education in that area at all. He got a few years of jail time but he’s now giving talks and saying he doesn’t regret it because it was a great experience and he thinks that he didn’t do any worse than most other doctors. :-)
    It’s german though. Anyway, if anyone wants to see it, here’s the link:

  4. My sentiments are similar to Eddie’s, as someone who often feels as you do, I would be miserable if I had to start looking for a new job. That said, you seem alright with this outcome, so I am glad of that.

    Also, as I enjoy much of your writing I am delighted to hear you are writing a novel. Can’t wait to read it!

  5. Good luck with your novel. When it gets published, I’ll buy a copy. So you’ll be starting from one not starting from zero.
    If you get board of having unscheduled time and decide to go back to work or even to school, then if that time comes good luck with that as well.
    Whatever you do, you have people out in the world rooting for you.

  6. Thanks all you guys. :)

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