Continuing from yesterday, there is nonetheless a bit of fear when one first opens up a relationship. Intellectually you know it’s silly, but on an emotional level there’s still that hesitation, that worry that you’ll lose the one you love. It’s a lot like the first time you’re going to jump off the high diving board into a pool. At some point you just gotta trust your reasoning and jump.
One of the biggest steps forward in my current relationship was when I wasn’t scared of losing my SO anymore. Like, she can go and have fun, and I know she loves me, and I don’t worry about losing her to anyone else. They might be a fun lay, but they aren’t me. I’m not worried she’ll leave me for people she enjoys shopping with, or gardening with, or whatever. This is just another activity, and I’m not gonna lose her to someone else she does it with from time to time either. Having that trust is really what makes it easy.
The thing is, the openness is what builds that trust. The first time you don’t really know, right? You have faith, because you love the person and you think they love you back. But it’s just faith, it isn’t knowledge. And then once it happens a few times and you still love each other and the world didn’t end, that’s when it really sinks in. “Oh, yeah. This is real. I can totally trust her, and she’ll stay with me anyway” It’s kinda cool.
The level of comfort that sort of trust brings is awesome, and it makes the relationship better in every other aspect. The guarding, drama, and fear/uncertainty of monogamous relationships? Ugh – no. Would not buy again.