A friend of mine just posted twice about divorce, which has brought up a lot of old emotions re my own divorce. Similar reasons are why I never want to get married ever again. So much BS baggage goes along with divorce that it doesn’t make *getting married* worth it. I’ve seen far more relationships ruined by people forcing themselves to stay together because they’re married far FAR longer than they should have been, than I’ve ever seen ruined for any other reason. The current institution of marriage is a relic of when women were property and society enforced a “You broke it, you bought it” rule that dehumanized everyone involved.
If marriages had kept up with morality they would be temporary 5-year contracts with the option to re-up for another 5 at the end. The reactionary idiots pushing to make divorce harder and harder are doing little more than destroying the ability for people to marry. Nowadays there are very few benefits to actually being married, especially if both partners work (as is the case in most relationships). But the costs of getting divorced are substantial. Unless you plan on staying with someone until you die, everyone is better off simply not getting married. I expect to live at least another ten years. I do not want to stop changing and growing, because to me that’s not far from death anyway. I do not want my partner to stop changing and growing, as I don’t have any interest in being with a breathing corpse. Thus I do not expect to stay with anyone for a decade or longer. It could happen. Sometimes people change in parallel paths, and they find they want to stay together. But counting on it is Stupid. I go into every relationship knowing it’s going to be great, with occasional rough patches, and some day in the next ten years or so it’ll probably be over and we’ll remain friends, and the two of use will jump into our next lifetime with gusto. And we won’t have had to go through a bullshit shaming ritual that society forces us through to do it.
Very few people who haven’t gone through a divorce realize how stressful and stupid they are. I expect almost everyone will have to have one before they realize marriage is a dumb idea and swear it off. So, thanks fundamentalist christians. You’re managing to destroy marriage. You are why society can’t have nice things.
Dear sour puss, Most of our failed relationships are due to the fact that we are too self centered and ego centric to invest in a life long commitment. It’s only when we come to the end of ourselves and realize that our marriage isn’t about us and the other person jumping through hoops to please us. Our marriages are about unconditionally giving, loving and learning. Growth only comes in difficult times pushing us to endure and persevere and then confirming what type of person we will or will not allow into our lives. Everything eventually comes to an end ; that’s life. I am in complete agreement and giggle at the 5 year marital contract up for a five year renewal. I do vote to update marital vows!