Death Is Bad

Last week I was rear-ended. As I posted then, I let the police officer take down the other driver’s info, which he said would be passed on to me in a report, and gave me the report number. I could have taken the driver’s info down myself, but I trusted that this process would work. I had expectations of someone other than myself. Naturally I was disappointed.

The report didn’t have the insurance information. It turns out the other driver didn’t have his current insurance on him (and I suspect he may not have been insured…). I have no way to contact the other driver now. Supposedly his name/address/phone is in that report, but I can’t see it online or have any information relayed to me by phone. My insurance company is not able to access this report easily either, they have to make a written request and turn-around time can be over a month. I can make a written request for that same information (and I will), but again the turn-around time is lengthy and there is a fee as well. All this could have been avoided if I simply remembered to never expect more than nothing from anyone else.

At a recent party my SO had trusted a friend to bring a few things. I don’t recall what exactly – paper plates maybe? They ended up not coming, and so the item was missing. I told her this was why I never bother asking others to bring things and just personally provide everything that I want to be at any party I host. She complained that all she’d expected from someone else was, really, anything more than nothing. And I replied that this was expecting too much. Expecting more than nothing from someone other than yourself is always expecting too much. I often get more than nothing, and I’m always pleasantly surprised when it happens. But I never expect it anymore.

This mirrors an old quote (which I was originally told was Benjamin Franklin’s, but a googling shows that there’s many permutations of this saying that go back to the beginning of history) – “Expect the worst but hope for the best. You’ll never be disappointed and often pleasantly surprised.” I can’t seem to apply this to my life on a grand scale – I’m still very much an optimist about humanity as a whole. I think we’re getting stronger, better, smarter. Our problems are grand, but our potential is grander. Things are getting better all the time, even if it’s slow.

However I have almost completely internalized this on the micro scale. Individual people often suck. In the words of Charles Schulz (who was likely paraphrasing Edna St. Vincent Millay) – “I love mankind… it’s people I can’t stand.”

Expect nothing from people and your life will go much smoother.

Yesterday I was sitting at a red light when someone behind me, not paying attention to the road, plowed into the back of my car.

My car is still running, although it’s going to need a lot of work. I am extremely grateful to the people who immediately came to our aid. The blow left me a bit dazed and I was wandering circles around my car, trying to figure out what I was supposed to do next. Fortunately I did remember to call my SO and let her know I’d been hit and I’d be home late, so she wouldn’t worry. But after that… what was the procedure? Call the cops? I didn’t have their number on hand…

The six people who stopped and came to help us were an immense help. They called the cops and helped direct us. I’m glad we live in a society where people still do that. I wish I could thank them again.

The cops came pretty quickly, which turned out to be an unfortunate thing. The officer (Ramirez) told me not to bother getting the other driver’s insurance information – he would take care of all that. All the information would be in the police report, and he’d give me the incident number as well as a phone number I could call to get my own copy and any information I’d need. In my foggy state this sounded like a perfectly fine idea. This is the sort of efficiency we like to see! All the information together in one place, easily accessible, and gathered by the authorities rather than the people who were just involved in an accident and my not be thinking clearly (or too injured to write down insurance information). It turns out I forgot the most important rule of life.

Don’t ever trust anyone else with anything important. Insurance information – that’s important. The cop – he’s someone other than me. Sometimes you have no choice and you have to rely on trust, but this was not one of those situations. I could have taken down that info myself and had a personal copy. I’m sure you can guess what happened.

I called the next day and the other driver’s info hadn’t been entered into the system. And the officer isn’t scheduled to come back to work until Sunday. So in the meantime I’m paying for the doctor’s visit and other expenses out-of-pocket, and I have to hope that his insurance company can be persuaded and cajoled into reimbursing me with less than 6 months delay and a dozen hours on the phone. I am displeased, to say the least. Let my stupidity be a lesson – always take down all the info you can. Snap pics of the insurance card. Cell phones are awesome.

I did suffer a mild concussion. More about that next post.

Lately I’ve started to actually seriously try writing something. For those who have found themselves befriended by aspiring writer, and have been tricked into reading a draft of their next story – my condolences. I hope it’s as painless as possible. However for those who like the idea of being a beta-reader, here is what every author really truly wants:

Tell Us What Sucks

Seriously. It can be very hard to read your own work and notice what’s missing and what’s overwrought. We cannot fix the shitty bits if we don’t know they are shit. Be specific if at all possible. I was told a recent story was “Fantastic! A bit wordy.” That’s nice, but this does not help me. I’m not trying to get praise and flattery from my friends, I want my writing to be stronger. The same story, given to a different friend, was returned to me with many notes and highlights. Most memorably, two lines in the middle of a paragraph were highlighted and noted with “No one cares.”

That was without a doubt one of the best pieces of feedback I have received. That is EXACTLY what I want to know! In retrospect, they were unnecessary details that slowed the pacing without adding anything at all. The words “No one cares” summarized precisely what the problem was, and implied how to fix it! (Those lines were immediately excised). The story is stronger now.

The friend afterwards confessed she was very worried writing that, because she didn’t want to hurt my feelings. To everyone with a friend writer – DO NOT WORRY ABOUT THAT. Surgery always hurts a bit. But what, you want to be stuck limping along with a twisted leg the rest of your life? You take a little bit of pain to make it heal right. The whole can only be improved if the rot is burned out. Your writer will thank you profusely (as I did). Any writer who responds to good criticism with anger and withdrawal is not a serious writer. They don’t care to make the best story they can, they’re just fishing for praise at their friend’s expense. It’s best not to bother with those, but please don’t do your friend the disservice of assuming that’s what they’re going for without reason.

Yes, it’s a lot of time and effort for very little reward. I’d really recommend against volunteering for early readings if that’s not something you like doing. For those of you who are willing to put up with us and give up your time, we are extremely grateful.

And to my beta-readers, again – thank you!